A Tale of 2 WAHMs

©Lisa Barker

I love visiting family, but I’ve done a lot of thinking and I now know why my little ones are like mice on speed once we arrive at ourdestination.

When families travel the children sleep but the parents don’t. We don’t mean to let them sleep but we relish the quiet. I mean, how often does it happen that the kids are asleep and you are awake with enough energy to do more than just grunt and sit on the sofa with the remote slipping out of your hand?

Unfortunately, at the final destination the parents are tired and the kids are wired.

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©Lisa Barker

My thirteen-year old daughters are leaving a legacy for the other kids. There are some unspoken rules that I’ve come to respect.

1. When the door is closed to our room and you hear music, please knock.

2. When the door to our room is closed and you don’t hear music, please knock.

3. If you hear music and you like it, you’re more than welcome to listen…if you sit outside the closed door. Please, don’t sing.

4. When we shop for clothes, just leave us to ourselves. We have good taste and a fabulous sense of propriety and modesty. We’ll find you when we’re ready for you to pay. Please, don’t page us again.

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©Lisa Barker

Deciphering what I scrawled on a Tupperware lid for a container I
chucked in the freezer months ago is not one of my better skills. But I can
always use it to my advantage.

The other night I defrosted what I thought was beef stew and came to
discover later that it was this mysterious opaque liquid. It tasted like
a sweaty pig. Ah, ham stock! But I had no time left to make pea soup
for dinner.

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©Lisa Barker

Have you ever wondered what your children will grow up to be?    Following is a list of possible vocations based on the behavior of children.

Child screams at top of lungs to get other children to play his way.
Occupational aptitude:  Drill sergeant or parent.  Take your pick.

Child scales all furniture stepping on anything to get to the top.
  Occupational aptitude:  Fireman, mountain climber or CEO.

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> > > Miss Part One? Then by all means . . . Click Here < < <

©Lisa Barker

Preparing to go to your high school reunion is like finding out
you’re going to die and suddenly you realize you haven’t done everything you
SHOULD HAVE done.

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©Lisa Barker

By the time this column is printed I will have already gone to my twentieth reunion, I will have survived the paralysis that will set in mere moments before we pull up to the old high school.

For the umpteenth time I will discreetly hitch up my skirt hoping that my pantyhose don’t twang off like an over-stretched rubber band and that my skirt doesn’t drop like oh so many home videos we’ve watched on television.

I really hope I’ll see ‘you-know-who’ and I hope he has a potbelly and a receding hairline. You know who. He’s the guy who was your first love but he didn’t even know it.

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©Lisa Barker

Every parent knows that driving with kids in the car without ending up in a fender bender or a ditch is a miracle. While you focus on the road your concentration is constantly assaulted by cries, demands and tattles from the back seat.

“Are we there yet?”

“She’s touching me!”

“Am not!”

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©Lisa Barker

My son has some amazing latent talent.  He has a solid future vocation
as an evangelist, politician, psychotherapist or all three and he keeps
me two-stepping as I try to parent him.

At age seven he canvassed the neighborhood in an effort to teach our
neighbors » Read the rest of this entry …

©Lisa Barker

Before I go to bed I like to reflect on the day and take inventory of my parenting with regard to what worked and what didn’t.  It’s time to make mental notes and heed them the following day.  These are lessons I’ve learned from my kiddos.

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©Lisa Barker

I’m going to make an ‘out of order’ sign and hang it around my neck.  After a day of screaming (not me, one of my kids) I don’t have the wherewithal to deal with anybody else who doesn’t stand taller than my belly button.

In lieu of that sign I made an announcement tonight after supper.  “If there are any needs that must to be met tonight, you will address the man with the beard and mustache.  The woman is out of order.”

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