Parenting Humor
« Previous Entries Next Entries » Wednesday, June 25th, 2008There’s No Place Like Home
©Lisa Barker I love being a stay at home mom. I can go to the bathroom whenever I want, I can drink water whenever I want and I never have to say ‘excuse me’ unless the children hear. I haven’t let myself go. I just don’t have to answer to anyone and that’s a definite [...]
Friday, May 16th, 2008A Run-in With The Parent Police
©Lisa Barker (An excerpt from Lisa Barker’s book Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane…Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad Parent!) There I was in the middle of the bra aisle with the three-year old and two-year old in tow. I’d played it smart. I had both children strapped into a shopping cart of their [...]
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008The Curse of Womanhood
©Lisa Barker I think women have a gene that causes an adverse reaction to clothing when hormones go haywire once or twice a month. I hate the color red. Why I even own a red blouse is a mystery to me.  It must have looked good under those trick lights in the dressing room [...]
Wednesday, April 16th, 2008The Bad Hair Day
©Lisa Barker I haven’t had a bad hair day in a long time, but one hit me this week five minutes before I was to walk out the door for Mass. My husband poked his head in our room. “Aren’t you going to church?†“No! I feel like a HORSE!â€Â Fwing! There went another skirt [...]
Wednesday, April 9th, 2008I Dream Therefore I Am…An Insect
©Lisa Barker I dreamt I was a fruit fly. A little white fruit fly flying among thousands of fruit flies. I was looking for my husband. But he had flown off because he was in the military service (of fruit flies, of course).  So I flew to Australia to see his mom because I [...]
Tuesday, March 4th, 2008How To Make Your Toddler Possessed
©Lisa Barker (An excerpt from Lisa Barker’s book Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane…Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad Parent!) I rarely take my kids on a clothes-shopping expedition–unless it’s for the child in tow and all the rest are at home. This means I have a 90% record in my favor of happy, [...]
Sunday, December 9th, 2007Chatty Son is Music To My Ears
©Lisa Barker Sometimes when a mom chooses to stay at home, she worries that her education will go to waste. Little by little caring for little ones kills off brains cells. We cut everything at the dinner table into tiny pieces. We’re doomed to forever speak in the third person. And then your child turns [...]
Thursday, December 6th, 2007The Estrogen Express
©Lisa Barker My husband is a manly man. He takes great pride in being the head of the household and he does a great job as a husband and father. I don’t mind deferring to him…but he’s about to be dethroned. There are three women living in our house. Any sane man will tell you [...]
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007Soul Woman
©Lisa Barker I tried one of those self-tanning gimmicks. It took me almost an hour to choose from all the products and if I had just spent that amount of time in the sun, I wouldn’t have had to spend twenty dollars on an experiment. Everybody’s going to know I got a tan out of [...]
Wednesday, November 14th, 2007Parenting Teens: Next Will Come A Plague of Locusts
©Lisa Barker It happens every day at 3:20PM. I brace myself behind the kitchen counter, the door opens and I defend myself with apples, peanut butter and pretzels. They mow through them like linebackers then retreat to their rooms where they unburden themselves of the three hundred pound backpacks they lug everywhere. I prepare for [...]
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