Parenting Teens: Next Will Come A Plague of Locusts
©Lisa Barker
It happens every day at 3:20PM. I brace myself behind the kitchen
counter, the door opens and I defend myself with apples, peanut butter and
pretzels.
They mow through them like linebackers then retreat to their rooms
where they unburden themselves of the three hundred pound backpacks they
lug everywhere.
I prepare for the second wave. Milk, cookies, and fruit are
strategically placed on the table and are quickly devoured as they descend on
them like voracious insatiable locusts.
Thirty minutes later, I hear squabbling and toss out samples of a spice
cake I baked earlier. This calms the hungry beasts for a few more
minutes and then they start to howl, “When’s supper, Mom?”
“Soon!” I try to placate them. “If you’re done with your
homework, go out and play.” It’s a strategic risk. Playing will only
make them hungrier.
My husband arrives with the wolves on his heels. I deal plates out on
the table like a blackjack dealer. I barely get the food on the table
before the beasts are drooling over their place settings.
“Amen.” And they’re off! Firsts, then seconds, then,
“What’s for dessert?”
This will continue until snacking tapers off just before bed. But
after eight hours of sleep, they will awaken and it will be as if they have
never eaten. They prowl through the kitchen stalking yogurt cups,
bananas and bagels.
No, these aren’t boys; these are my thirteen-year old twin daughters.
They are growing so fast that their bodies and minds are just burning
up fuel by the second.
But this growth spurt is not just affecting my daughters; it’s
affecting me, too. As I watch my babies grow there’s a part of me that
misses the little girls that they used to be. They eat for nourishment
and I eat for consolation.
The girls are spurting upward and growing taller by the second. I’m
spurting horizontally and in a circular fashion. People have stopped
asking me when the baby is due…because I’ve been carrying it for
four years now.
Note to self: Just because the kids are having a growth spurt,
doesn’t mean you are, too, woman.
Isn’t that the truth?
They say stock your kitchen with healthy food and for the most part I
have because I want the kids to make good choices. And I am doing that
for myself…but four servings of something good for me is still three
servings too many.
It’s funny that I started my vocation as a mom eating for three and
now I’m doing it again as I watch my babies grow into adults. But
I’m calling this stage of parenting the plague of locusts.
. . . . . . . . . . .
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of
“Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane… Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad
Parent!” and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly
Mom™, buy the book or leave comments, please visit
http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™
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Topics: Parenting Humor |
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November 17th, 2007 at 12:50 am
All I can say is … ROFL!
November 20th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
That is just FUNNY. Unfortunately, my kids are like that and they aren’t even close to teens (THANK GOD!). Just as soon as they walk in the door, the are in the kitchen. ARG! OUT OUT OUT!