A Tale of 2 WAHMs

©Lisa Barker

He had on his pirate cape, his pirate hat…and a pink purse slung over
his right shoulder.  He was ready for action.

Until the ants attacked. 

Little girls keep tissue, lip gloss and hair barrettes in their purses.
  Little pirates keep Goldfish Crackers and apples.  Ants like Goldfish
Crackers and apples.

Ever hear a pirate scream?  It’s a bloodcurdling cry that sends
shivers up a mom’s spine.  I came running.  “What’s the matter?”

“Ants!  Ants!” he screamed and danced in place.  Pirates don’t
like ants.  Rolie-polies are okay.  And butterflies.  But not ants.

We shook out his purse, but the ants kept coming.  So we had to hang it
from the swing until the ants had their fill and left.

The next day my little pirate was dressed and ready for action again.
  This time he had his hook and a sword.

“Where’s your purse?”

“Oh.”  That’s my youngest son’s way of omitting information he
doesn’t want to give.  He didn’t want the purse anymore.  He’d
surrendered it to the plundering and pillaging ants.  But now he had my
pink sequined flip-flops.  A pirate is never fully dressed without some
sort of pink accessory, don’t you know.

But he needed something in which to carry his Goldfish Crackers.  This
time he made do with a sandwich bag.  I gave him two treats for the dog
as well and off went Pirate Boy and his loyal companion.

Later he tells me that Pirate Dog loves Goldfish Crackers and that dog
treats taste great.

“Dog treats?  Those are for the dog!”

“Oh.”

“What else have you and Pirate Dog been up to?”

“Nooooooooooooothing.”  This is the second stage of pirate denial.
  A quick scan of the back porch step revealed some clues.

“I thought I told you to leave the dog’s water dish alone.”

“It’s mud.”

“It is now.  What’s the dog going to drink?”

“Apple juice!”

“And I suppose he wants a sippy cup, too.”

So I arranged some refreshments for Pirate Boy and Pirate Dog and they
left to scour the backyard for treasure.  Soon, my kitchen counter was
lined with interesting pirate treasure for me:  odd shaped rocks, a
dried weed flower and something unidentifiable that only Pirate Boys can
name but I was too prudent to ask.

“Can I have my shoes back?”

He relented, embarked on another pirate adventure and soon returned
jubilant.  “I found my cowboy hat!” he crowed, with it perched on his
head, dusty and sprinkled with cobwebs.  And off he went to seek
treasure and hidden dog treats at great peril.

But I didn’t worry.  He’ll not be bested or vanquished.  That’s
because all pirates know the power of accessorizing. 

. . . . . . . . . . .
Jelly Momâ„¢ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of
“Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane… Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad
Parent!” and is syndicated through Parent To Parentâ„¢. To publish Jelly
Momâ„¢, buy the book or leave comments, please visit
http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Momâ„¢
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