Back-To-School Derby
©Lisa Barker
It’s that time of year again. I half expect to hear Target announce
my arrival when I walk into the store with the kids in tow.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 13th running of the Back-To-School
Derby for the Barker Family. Mom is in good form as she reads each
child the riot act even before they get themselves into trouble.
They’re on the main track now and you can hear the store manager roar
– it’s going to be a profitable day for the Target store!
Mom’s taking up her shopping cart. She’s in the gate…and her
toddler’s off running helter-skelter through the aisles taking an early
lead. It’s Toddler out front! This looks to be a promising shopping
spree folks!
And here comes Teenager One by a nose, now by a head. She’s leading
Teenager Two in a smooth and sophisticated dash to the Junior Miss
department while Middle Child presses on a neck behind…and then suddenly
breaks away in a dead run to the Electronics department!
Cutie Pie carries on at an even gait in her suped up hot pink
wheelchair cooing at each sighting of SpongeBob while mom brings up the rear
pushing both shopping cart and wheelchair.
They enter the backstretch, Mom is now neck and neck with Teenager One
and Teenager Two who quickly try on every item of clothing and reject
all but three as they fight over the fourth item (I saw it first! I
touched it first!). Now on the backstretch Mom is still with the
lead…it’s now Middle Child! It’s Middle Child! Out of nowhere Middle
Child takes the lead!
Middle Child has made his selection in electronics and now sprints for
the toy aisles with Mom pressing at the neck whipping undies, socks,
notebook paper, binders, pencils, erasers and shoelaces into the cart as
she presses on…now neck and neck as they go down the backstretch.
It’s Mom! Now Middle Child! Now Mom! Now Middle Child!
Here comes Cutie Pie with Teenager One and Teenager Two in a dead heat!
This is going to be tight folks, too close to call, but now it’s
Toddler in the lead! Toddler stumbles into Mom’s sights and it’s
Toddler going away, Toddler pulling away, Toddler wins!
I’m sure that none of the employees at Target appreciate my style of
shopping, but with all of us panting at the checkout and me ready to
fork over a paycheck for school clothes and supplies, I know they’ll
smile and bid me a good day just the same when we’ve finished our
Back-To-School Derby.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a picture with my youngest
that is now draped with a horseshoe of roses.
. . . . . . . . . . .
Jelly Momâ„¢ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of
“Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane… Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad
Parent!” and is syndicated through Parent To Parentâ„¢. To publish Jelly
Momâ„¢, buy the book or leave comments, please visit
http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Momâ„¢
weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
Your fellow WAHM in success,
Anita
Topics: Parenting Humor | 1 Comment »
September 14th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
I just love Lisa! She knows and isn’t afraid to tell it like it is! LOL! I NEED a good dose of Lisa every week!